My Secret Sin (Part 4)
After a month something terrible happened! Guess what it was? It happened again, yes, youe guess is right. I fell back into that dirty secret sin again. Oh God! What is this? I cried uncontrollably that morning until I ran out of tears.
But I thought I was totally free, I thought it had become a thing of the past! I cried and cried, I was so mad at myself that I refused to attend the mid-week service that Tuesday evening. I also didn’t eat anything the entire day. I was angry with myself as well as with everyone and everything that day.
The guilt I felt didn’t diminish one bit, instead, I felt more defeated as the days passed. On Sunday morning , I woke up as early as 4am. Like I would usually do before my fall, I decided to observe my quiet time which I hadn’t done since the incidence. But I told myself I wouldn’t go to church that day, after all I had no business being there since I was reeking of sin. So I just laid on my bed thinking about my life .
I was very deep in my thought when I heard that voice again, but this time it came clearer and louder. I looked at the wall clock and the time was exactly 10am. The exact words of the strange voice was “he that covereth his sin shall not prosper, but whoso confesseth and forsaketh them shall have mercy”.
This time I had no doubt that it wasn’t coming from outside, I knew I was the only one in the house , my neighbours must have all gone to church. So this voice wants me to confess my sin, all these while I thought there was really no need to confess my sin. I mean since I was busy with God’s work I thought it was his obligation to forgive me every sin I commit and give me the power to overcome every form of temptation.
Although, lately I have started seeing my situation as something I might never come out from. I thought that maybe it was impossible for God to deliver me. I felt like my hopb of liberation had been dashed because I was so happy when I thought I had been saved by my works.
While still on my bed, I was contemplating confessing my sin to God or not. But God should know about it already, why does he still want me to confess it? I thought they said he’s the omniscience God I said to myself silently.
After contemplating for sometime, I reluctantly came down from my bed, knelt beside it and started confessing my sin to God. After some minutes of praying, I virtually saw myself crying, I didn’t realise know when I started pouring out my heart to God. After praying for about one hour, I felt relieved but I still wanted to be alone that day. So I went back to my bed and slept off .
At about 12 pm I heard a knock, who could this be I thought, I didn’t want to see anyone! I played a deaf ear to the sound. I told myself I didn’t want to see anyone.
After about 10 mins, the knocking stopped. I thought the person had finally gone, but I was wrong, the person resumed the knocking after about 2 minutes. So figured it must really be an important visit otherwise the guest ought to have left. Hence, I went to the front door, I wanted to open it right away but curiosity got the best of me so I decided to peep through the window first to see who it was. Lo and behold it was….
To be continued
Also Read: Die in order to live
Ehinomhen Eboh is an undergraduate student of Ambrose Ali University, Ekpoma, Nigeria. She loves writing poems, inspiring Christian fictions and true-life stories/experiences.
